Sunday, December 13, 2009

A Christmas With The Hallmark Channel

I’ve been recuperating on my couch this December after surgery. At first all I could really do is watch TV. Feeling a little sorry for myself that I couldn’t do all the normal holiday activities I thought watching the Christmas shows on the Hallmark channel would get me in the Christmas spirit.

Do you know how many holiday movies are aired in December!? I tried to count and then started listing all the titles of the movies… 37 and still finding new ones. Then I got this bright idea (too much time on my hands) that if I could combine the titles in the right way, the titles would write a story that could rival the best country ballad. (I tried to get to 31 but 29 will have to do). I now want to write Christmas cards… because Hallmark did give me the Christmas spirit.

My Hallmark Christmas Tale by Kathy Charlton


I’ve had quite a dry spell this year without someone in my life so all I wanted was a BOYFRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS. Putting a plan in action I auditioned for the Bachelorette reality show and won! Now I have the television famed 12 MEN OF CHRISTMAS to pick from.

It’s a hard job but someone has to do it!

When I met MR. ST NICK, # 12, I knew he was the one. Must have been the name and being quite superstitions I knew this was also a sign. During the finale show on Christmas Eve, #12 swept me off my feet with the most beautiful CHRISTMAS PROPOSAL and the promise of OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS in his family’s CHRISTMAS COTTAGE.

Mr. St Nick said his best Christmas memory was a FAMILY HOLIDAY when all his brothers and sisters were able to come HOME FOR CHRISTMAS to their home town. Till this day that TWIN PINES CHRISTMAS brings tears to his eyes. (I so like a big strong man that can express his feelings.)

Well after all the interviews and paparazzi questions Mr. St. Nick and I had very little time to get HOME BY CHRISTMAS. The drive to Twin Pines was a true RECIPE FOR A PERFECT CHRISTMAS with snow on the ground, MOONLIGHT AND MISTLETOE and the car loaded down with presents.

You know when you find your true love on a television show; you probably should ask a few more questions before setting off to visit his family. I thought I knew everything about Mr. St Nick because after all, I met him on a reality show! But this year I was going to be part of real family so not too many questions.

The rest of the story…

See, I don’t have any family of my own as I am an orphan. I was born A CHRISTMAS CHILD and was abandoned under the NATIONAL CHRISTMAS TREE on the White House Lawn in Washington, D. C. Miracles do happen especially WHEN ANGELS COME TO TOWN in the form of a White House guard who found me under the tree. He wrapped me in his coat and took me home and laid me in the arms of his wife, Eve, who could never have children. I was truly “EVE’S CHRISTMAS” present. Eventually I had to be turned over to the authorities but just for a few days I had my own Grandma and GRANDPA FOR CHRISTMAS.

Back to Mr. St Nick. When we arrived there was a SPECIAL DELIVERY envelope waiting for him. He quickly tore it open, read the stack of papers and then motioned to me that he needed to talk to me in private. He told me he worked for the FBI and that he had another reason for coming back to Twin Pines… it was an UNDERCOVER CHRISTMAS assignment. OMG!

There was a group of thieves operating in the area who were also magicians by day. They used their special talents to steal jewelry and replace it with fake paste pieces right under people’s noses. These sneaky thieves pulled off a perfect HOLIDAY SWITCH just before the jewelry was to be auctioned off for the Children’s Hospital Fund at a fancy HOLIDAY AFFAIR. To make a long story short, Mr. St Nick tracked down the thieves and they will be spending their HOLIDAY IN HANDCUFFS.

Mr. St Nick, his family and I were about to sit down for Christmas dinner when we heard the local CHRISTMAS CHOIR singing carols outside the front door. We rushed to give them refreshments and listen to a new song CHRISTMAS IN CARTAAN by Achy Braky Heart famed country legend, Billy Rae Cyrus.

One of the carolers bent down and retrieved an obvious looking Christmas card that had fallen from the mail box. It had a Washington D.C. return address. Apparently the guard who found me so many years ago tracked me down after watching the Bachelorette show and reading all the stories in the tabloids. (Orphaned on Christmas at our country’s capital, bachelor’s home at Twin Pines, etc.)

Now to finish this Hallmark Christmas Tale, we’re off to Washington DC. “I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS” for OUR MAGIC CRHISTMAS to MEET THE SANTA of my dreams!!!!

Falalala, Kathy (And, yes I've been on the couch a bit too long.)

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